ichinichinemasu: (Sunflowers)
[personal profile] ichinichinemasu
I have been dealing with a digestive system disorder off and on over the past year-- sometimes I'm well enough to drink alcohol even, and sometimes all I can take is gingerale and pretzels, if that. My doctors and I haven't quite figured it out yet. The GI believes it's IBS, but I am more inclined to think it might have something to do with the angioedema that keeps cropping up. Most of the time, though, my medications keep it under control.

This weekend I went away for my bachelorette party to the Pocono mountains. It was a fantastic time-- once I got my stomach under control. It is frustrating to have a condition you can't control, because it shows itself at inconvenient times. Will I be well enough for my wedding? My honeymoon?

I was fitted for my dress on Tuesday. My grandmother joked, "Now you can't gain any weight!". Today I sat down to lunch and found myself happily enjoying the cinnamon sugar pita chips I was snacking on, when I was hit with a pang of guilt. I'd better stop eating these, I thought, or I might not fit my dress.

And then I realized how stupid that was. I should be happy I can even eat, let alone eat too much. I lost 15 pounds this year through no will of my own...I've always been fine with who I am. I wouldn't say I'm fat, or skinny-- maybe comfortably plump. Yet while I am a size 12 in normal people clothes, I am a size 18 in wedding clothes. Why?

The Wedding Industrial Complex does a lot to make girls feel bad. If you aren't the skinny blonde model on the front of the wedding magazine, well, you better work hard to get that way. If you don't have the perfect cake made out of cupcakes or flowers arranged artfully in mason jars then heaven forbid what people might think of you.

In my opinion the idea of "sweating for the dress" is perhaps the worst of the lot, though. Who cares what you look like? As long as you are healthy enough to enjoy your day, why punish yourself? It is one day out of your life that is supposed to be a celebration. For me, if I can have an attack-free day I will consider it a success.

Anyway, just something I've been thinking about. Offbeat bride does have an awesome article on weddings for people with chronic conditions here.

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April 2015

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